Thursday, November 18, 2010
my soul is out of order.
I am In Love But I am alone.. It is the worst I have ever felt. I am by nature such a happy go lucky fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl. I can find the positive in most things and I can find fun and laughter in anything. But I feel CRUSHED as never before. I feel defeated by Love as if it set out to test my loyalty, to test how much I would REALLY give for it. My motto is everyone love everyone. All you need is love. Love is what life is about. HA Well Love you got me.. I am defeated I have lost. I hurt, I breath I cry. It is funny how you think your in love when you are in a relationship but it's at the end of it that it is most easily recognized. It's the loss of a thing that brings your feelings to the surface in a way you hadn't felt them before. Love is a tricky bitch she fill us with hope and blinds us with the rainbow of possibilities, We don't even see the heart break coming. ha I say heart break but that does not even describe the seriousness of the situation. I should say heart body mind and soul break.. that would better describe the feelings that are rushing thru my beautiful but rejected body. what is beauty when the one you want /need /have to have doesn't want you? I ask you what is a personality or a sense of humor or a pure heart or a magnificent soul in the face of absolute pain and torture? It is an impossible situation. I want to spit in the eye of love. I want to disown love and forget she ever existed. whoever said forgiveness is hard is stupid.. forgiveness is easy forgiveness is a choice you can choose to make. I choose to forgive my enemy's because to not forgive would hurt me far more then the person I hate from afar who can't feel my stone cold dead glare. the cold draft would freeze my heart not theirs. It is forgetting that is impossible.. forgetting is not a choice you can make. It's not something you can just decide to do. your heart and your mind and your soul remember because first without the memories no lesson second without the memories life means nothing. the time spent with the people you love is meaningless and serves only to fill the space in time. third without the memory's you remain unchanged by those you encounter and as uncomfortable and scary as it is change is essential for life to continue.