The Other day it hit me... I was cooking dinner and I felt a pang of deep pain. I recognized it as despair and loneliness. I realized that I belonged to Nobody. It made me shed a few tears, not that I was mourning my ex spouse. Just being a couple, Your heart should never belong to you. I long for someone the right one to want to take possession of my heart. I want to belong to someone. I want to compromise for Love. I want to be protected and cared for. That is the type of woman I am. Their are all types, some are independent some are strong some are selfish some are giving some are delicate but in the end we all need to be loved for what and who we are. we all need to find someone who exemplifies our personality someone who compliments our lives someone whom we have a kinship with and a strong bond of friendship. We all Man and Woman need a partner who loves our company as well as us. who enjoys whatever is done together be it cleaning or going out to dinner. We all need that connection with another person who Makes us feel safe as we provide that safe haven for them. We need someone to encourage us and we need to give in equal partnership. We need to recognize our roles in the relationship and instead of fighting against them embrace them, they are natural thats why it never really works out to the advantage of both parties in the relationship if the more traditional roles are to heavily changed. We Women Are capable of so much, but where we use our effort speaks volumes on the condition of america. I'm not saying women should not work or have careers but shuffling responsibilities of the home around to hired hands is a tragedy and a grave mistake where our children are concerned. no one but you cares for your children in the right way. so of course you can sign your child up for every sport and music lesson and have them in fancy schools. But who teaches them morals in everyday activities who teaches them Love and understanding who teaches them what to believe in And most importantly who is appropriately disciplining them, and showing them consequences? you would leave this up to a stranger?? well its no wonder why we hear the stories about americas youth that we do.. the majority of parents are looking out for numero uno. and the kids get basic care from hopefully the safest and most reasonably priced source. I can imagine it would be very easy to get so caught up in work and social life that the mundane task of parenting would get moved onto the back burner. I always thought of myself as a mother and a wife, I poured everything into that. no back up plan.. no preparation for a different life. I realize that I sound like a weak woman with ideals and morals from a 1930s housewife. I don't see it that way.. I have placed value in this life and everything else dies away and would never fill me with satisfaction the way that happy healthy well rounded moralistic children and a happy husband who adores me would. everything else seems trivial. call it what you will but it's me and I make no pretenses about it nor am I ashamed of it. I am ill-equipped for what I face now so I do have regrets there. Am I saying I don't want to work, No I am saying I have always and will always make my family my top priority. and I recognize not everyone is built that way and thats fine because it is a rare man that is satisfied with that. Gender roles have gotten so turned around now ppl expect the impossible from their spouses. A women can not be efficient in all things... some areas she will fail.. and that is sad because society says she can do it. well divorce rates depression rates and conviction rates of minors says she can't.. and its the same for men. He can not have the stress of work, supporting a family plus help with the home and help shuttle the kids to the one million after school activities, leaving him no time for self interests and self fulfillment.. where does the marriage come in? you give what's left over and its just not enough. but the secret is, KIDS do not need to be involved in so many things.. they need a happy fulfilled mommy and daddy. you provide that (or in a single parent home) then just one happy parent. you give them that and thats half the battle. they also need to be encouraged and disciplined and they need to be allowed to follow what is in their heart with guidance from their parents. let them choose what they want to do with their extra time. as long as it is constructive and legal. lol my point is this, the secret to a happy marriage is marry a man whom you would also choose to be friends with, a man you can admire and respect, then pursue what fulfills you and makes you happy but not at the price of the marriage. give not what's left over, give what's left over to your personal pursuits and make sure you marry someone willing to do the same. and make sure you have the same ideals about raising a family before you have a family. happy children grow up to be happy adults. happy children are not children with STUFF, happy children hear the word NO often. happy parents lol say NO often. spoiling is not loving. allowing your 4 year old to manipulate you and control you is weak and stupid not love. if you love your children you would want them to grow up to be good happy law abiding people. SO TEACH THEM ABOUT LIFE.. if you hear I hate you once or twice from your child (I personally would beat my kids ass for such disrespect) but they don't mean it and your sacrificing you feelings for their well being by just enduring their mild short lived unhappiness because they cant have a belly button ring or dye their hair blue or because you didn't buy them that 200.00 dollar bike that will be uncared for because guess what?? they didn't have to earn it.. parenting isn't easy but even harder is seeing your grown children strike out in life while all you can do is sit by and watch..So if I have all of these great theory's why am I divorced? I didn't follow my own advice. :( simply put!!